Promises
by StorybrookeGirl
Summary: Robin has left Storybrooke forever and Regina struggles with her feelings. Maybe forgetting him would be easier, less painful... OutlawQueen. Post ep 4x11 one-shot.


**_A/N: Just a one-shot I needed to get out of my head. Hope to write more after I'm done with my exams. 25 days left till Once returns, guys!_**

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Once Upon a Time nor its characters._**

* * *

She wouldn't cry.

She swore to herself she wouldn't.

She had to be strong.

It wasn't the first time her happy ending was taken from her, anyway, she should be used to the feeling by now. But in her heart she knew this was different, because she was standing in the middle of the road, looking at her soulmate as he crossed the town line and left her forever.

He couldn't see her anymore but she could see him. She could see the tears that fell fast when he closed his eyes after he had crossed the wretched line and Regina's hand had slipped away from his.

She watched as he picked his son up. His Roland, who never failed to make him smile, no matter what. Not even he would be able to ease his pain now.

She could see the despair in his eyes as they frantically searched for her, but all he could see in front of him was an empty road.

She could feel his heartache, because she felt it too. With every step he took in the opposite direction, it felt as if a bit of her soul was being ripped from her. With each new beat she could feel her heart cracking a little. Every time the chilly air filled her lungs she found it harder to breathe, found it harder to ignore the lump in her throat that had tears pooling in her eyes.

But she wouldn't cry.

She had to be strong for Henry, she didn't want him to see her like that, didn't want anyone to see her like that.

She blinked back the tears and lowered her gaze, the scene in front of her was too painful to watch, and her brow furrowed when she slipped her hands in her pockets and her fingertips met the piece of paper Robin had given her not one hour earlier. She took it out of her pocket and unfolded it.

The picture on it mocked her with what could've been, had she not been too scared to be happy when she had the chance. She cursed the author as she tore the page and her last shred of hope along with it. She cursed the storybook, fate, destiny, whoever or whatever had decided she was a villain and that as such she did not deserve a happy ending, even though, deep down, she knew the situation she was in was all her doing. Had she picked love over revenge, had she chosen happiness instead of anger, her life probably would've been very different.

But it was no use dwelling on the past. Robin was gone now and she was alone. She had Henry, of course, and she loved him very much, but not even he could fill the emptiness in her heart now.

She turned and started walking back to her car, letting the pieces of the torn page fall from her hand. Her legs were weak, she was thankful she hadn't parked her car too far, because she doubted she would've been able to walk more than that short distance without her legs giving out.

She was glad Henry wasn't home. One hug, one word of support or even a hint of a hope speech and she was sure she would break. She needed time. Time to herself, time to figure out how to go on living her life without Robin, when she had just accepted the fact that he had chosen to be with her, only to be forced to leave her again. He had knocked down the walls she had built and she needed to put them back up, it was the only way she had to stop the pain and she could only hope it would be enough.

She grabbed her cellphone and sent Emma a text "_Keep Henry with you for a while, I need some time alone. Tell him I love him_" and turned the device off before the blonde could reply. She didn't want to explain what had just happened. News travelled fast in the small town anyway, they would all find out soon enough. She closed her eyes and raised her hands to cast a spell on her house so no one would be able to get in. Sure, Emma could if she tried hard enough, but she really hoped the blonde wasn't so stupid as to do just that.

Regina slowly made her way up the stairs and straight to her bedroom. She took her coat and shoes off, then used magic to change into her pyjamas and close the heavy curtains so the room was pitch dark.

She slipped tiredly under the covers but sleep did not come easily. She could still see the sadness in his eyes, could still feel the way his hand held hers and the sudden loss she felt when its warmth was replaced by the cold air.

Sleep came, at last, when she allowed herself to surrender to the memories of the moments they had shared. She dreamed of his calloused hands exploring every inch of her body as her soft ones explored his. She dreamt of the way his eyes lit up when he saw her smile, especially when he made her smile, and the way he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and stroked her cheek with his thumb before leaning in to kiss her.

She didn't know how much time had passed since she had shut herself inside of her house. She only ever got out of bed to go to the bathroom or to take the occasional trip down to the kitchen, not that she'd ever managed to eat more than a few breadsticks or some fruit or to drink more than a glass of water. Just enough to avoid starving to death.

But she wasn't hungry, she wasn't thirsty. The only thing she craved was Robin's touch, his scent, his blue eyes, the way his lips felt when they brushed hers.

But the more time passed, the more all of it started fading from her memories, and she didn't want it to. She felt a little better when she slept, for she could see him in her dreams, even though waking up hurt more every time.

A week went by. She hadn't cried, she hadn't talked to anyone, she didn't know what to do. She was conflicted. She didn't want to forget Robin but, at the same time, the memories of the time she had spent with him were the reason she felt so miserable and couldn't simply go back to living her life as if he had never existed.

Or maybe she could. It would be easy enough, she had all the ingredients she needed in her vault, the forgetting potion was simple to make, and then she could go back to focusing on her son.

She slowly got out of bed, her muscles were stiff from lying still in the same position for a long time. She used magic to change her clothes and grabbed her blue coat, shoved her cellphone in one of the pockets so she could call Henry afterwards and poofed herself just outside of her family mausoleum. She silently walked inside and made her way down to her vault. When she entered the room where her ingredients and books were, she couldn't help but notice the bed she and Robin had slept in. It was still there, undone, like no time had passed at all, but so much had happened since that night.

She tried to ignore it and gathered the tools and ingredients she needed to make the potion and as she did, she started asking herself '_what if?_'…

What if she had entered that tavern all those years ago? What if she hadn't become the Evil Queen? What if she hadn't killed Marian in the original timeline? What if Emma hadn't brought her back from the dead? What if Robin had stayed?

But she _had_ fled the tavern. She _had_ become the Evil Queen. She _had_ killed Marian and Emma _had_ brought her back.

And Robin _had_ left.

Her heart clenched painfully at that memory. She had to go through with this. She had to do it to erase the pain, to be able to focus on her son again. But that meant erasing the good memories too.

She decided to call Henry. She needed to hear his voice, she was sure if she did then she'd know she was doing the right thing.

She took her cellphone out of the pocket but something else fell from it too. It was a piece of paper. It couldn't be the page Robin had found, she had torn it the day he left. She picked it up and unfolded it.

It was from Robin. He must've slipped it in her pocket when they said their goodbyes.

She felt her legs growing weak, so she sat on the small bed before she started reading the letter.

_My dear Regina,_

_I'm afraid this letter won't be very long. I don't have much time, but so many things were left unsaid and I'm not sure I'll be able to say them to you out loud without breaking down completely._

_I wish we had had more time. I wish it didn't have to be like this but I guess all great love stories take a turn for the worst right before they get get better and I promise you, this is just a turn._

_Because I love you, Regina, with all my heart and soul. Not a moment will go by that I won't think of you and I promise you, milady, I will find a way back to you and I'll never leave you again._

_I love you, Regina. Don't forget that._

_Yours forever,_

_Robin_

Regina didn't realize she had started crying until her vision was so blurry she had to wipe some of the tears away so she could keep reading those words until they were engraved into her memory.

She allowed the sobs she had tried so hard to suppress to wrack her body as she curled into a bad on the small bed, holding the letter close to her heart.

She could still smell Robin's scent on the pillow so she buried her face in it and waited for her sobs to die down a little. Eventually, her breathing evened out and though tears were still silently falling from her eyes, she felt a little better. Maybe it was because of those three words they had never told each other out loud, maybe it was because of his promise to find a way back to her, but she felt better, she felt like she could finally breathe a little better than before, because he had given her something she desperately needed.

Hope.


End file.
